DOES everybody love a menstruating girl?

I must say, the more time I spend online the more weirdos I find.

Whilst browsing my favourite site, Etsy, I found a T-shirt that to be quite frank, puzzled me. Why on earth would you buy, let alone WEAR, a T-Shirt that says, Everybody loves a menstruating girl. For a start, no, I don't get that it's a take on the 'Everybody loves an Italian boy' T-shirt - perhaps this just hasn't hit the UK yet. And secondly, chrissakes, the menstruating bit isn't even in blood red. You'd have thought they'd have at least got that bit sorted. And why exclusively a tampon? Isn't that a bit period-ist? What about all the others, like mooncups, fanny pads, jam sponges and goodness knows what other freakish devices there are out there.

It would be interesting to see how many and why these have sold. Check it out for yourself - and let me know if you're tempted.

Stuck for lippy...?

This article landed on my desk a couple of weeks ago and like most of the people who commented on it*, I too couldn't get past the first image. Your own menstrual blood as lipstick. And I've seen a lot of weird period shit.

I guess, if money's really that tight, why not use it as lippy. Or if you've run out and want to impress that guy you're on a date with. And to be honest, if he goes on another date with you and doesn't curl up into a ball weeping, you've got a winner. Or a weirdo.

Ingrid Berthon-Moine is the lady behind these images. Yes, I do say images as a plural. She's compiling a whole bloody collection of women wearing their menstrual blood as lipstick.

Alongside Ingrid, you also have other menstrual activists such as Chella Quint who aims to take the shame out of periods using mechanisms such as comedy and tampon crafts. I agree with her bugbear - sanitary bins ARE the big fat grey elephant in the teeny room and they are a giant pain in the thigh, especially when you accidentally brush up against them in toilet cubicles. God forbid there's all sorts of nasties spilling out of it.

The article ends with a more serious note - there ARE people out there who don't know much about periods, who think they're dying when they have their first and those who believe that periods are 'dirty'. Plus, environmental issues. Sanitary products are something that I do believe are disgustingly unenvironmental, especially when you consider the average woman will go through nearly 11500 tampons in her lifetime. However, products such as mooncups, jam sponges and reusable sanitary towels are still considered icky by the majority of women. And I fall into this category. The thought of such close encounters with any blood, let alone menstrual, fills me with dread. It's messy, it's menstrual blood and there's more chance of accidentally getting it from fingers to clothes. Endless horrors.

Just as an aside, my housemate, although disgusted at the picture, was also quite admiring. When I asked him why, he said it was 'pretty clever as apparently a lady's facelips especially when smothered in lipstick are supposed to subconsciously remind them of a lady's front bottom lips'.

*Such as:

esdes - "I can't take this seriously and it's annoyed me in fact. The photo is gross. Why not wipe sh*t on your lips. Have I missed something?"

wanderingone - "I really don't care if people spread menstrual blood on their lips, as long as they don't try to kiss me or share a glass with me."

Scandaliser - "There was a young vampire called mable,

whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon,
she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table."

See the full article here...

Are you Happy It's Here?

P&G Femcare brand for sanitary pads, Whisper, recently launched their new site, 'Happy It's Here' in Singapore. Developed by Arc Worldwide it's based on the insight according to Valerie Cheng, creative director of Arc Worldwide Singapore, "Deep down, women are thankful each time their period arrives, as it’s the sign of a healthy, functioning body. We hope to intrigue them, and initiate an open conversation and a new movement that will lead to a renewed sense of appreciation of their female cycle.”

Using gorgeous animation and cute illustrations, Happy It's Here allows users to review their cycle and understand what to expect from their period. Aimed at the younger audience - those who are new and still getting used to their bodily changes, the website is Facebook centric and allows users to express how happy they are that they have their period and also to send compliments to their friends.

Personally, no matter how cute and cool the site is, I'm still not sure I'd want to let people know that I have my period. After all, my Facebook profile is open to all my friends, boys included and I would be reluctant for the opposite sex especially to know that. Most of the time, even when older, you work hard trying to appear as though you DON'T have our period. I'd be more likely to send the compliments. After all, they won't be appearing on MY wall. The animations are extremely fun and if I didn't know the brand, I wouldn't realise that it was associated with periods.

What do you think of it?: Happy It's Here

The Tampax Factory

I have never been woken in a more unpleasant way. Actually, that's not true, but that's another story. I awoke on a Sunday morning to my boyfriend (still drunk) singing loudly in my ear 'Far away in The Tampax Factory, shout out your orders loud and clear...' He particularly seemed to relish the verses that were most disgusting.

Apparently this is a well known rugby song. Why rugby teams should want to sing loudly about periods, I have no idea. I can only imagine it is to re-assert their masculinity after hugging on the rugby pitch and showering together in a beautiful display of manlove. The song consists of various verses surrounding the chorus:

'Far away in the Tampax Factory,

Shout out your orders loud and clear,

We have small, medium, large, JUMBO!

We supply them all

When the end of the month comes around.'

I do give them a great deal of credit though for their imaginative verses. My favourites are:

'You can tell by the smell,

That she is not very well..'

and this one especially:

'You can tell by the smeg,

Running down her leg,

That the end of the month has come..'

Check out the full and varied verses here:

Sheffield Uni's version

Dirtyballs Rugby version

ENJOY.

Jam Sponge anyone?

Being naturally intrigued by all things to do with feminine hygiene, it surprised me when I came across the Jam Sponge. I have NEVER seen anything like this before. In short, it's a sponge that you stick up there and it calls upon its natural powers to absorb the blood.

In the name of duty, my Jam Sponge arrived today and unlike it's delicious counterpart, this made me feel a tad ill. I unwrapped it from the packaging and out fell a hard, hedgehog like 'thing'. My housemate, Rob, gave a girly scream and even I took a step back. My first thoughts were 'no was is that thing going up there.' For the basic package, you receive 2 sponges, one nicely presented in a garishly bright red bag. You also receive instructions, some sealable plastic bags to store the jam sponges in once they become saturated and... (now this is where it gets exciting) a badge.

The idea of this is pretty sound. It's environmentally friendly and entirely natural. You can re-use it for UP TO A YEAR. And sponges are likely to have been used as sanitary products hundreds of years ago. They have certainly be used fairly recently as contraceptives. You just have to overcome the fact you will get your hands dirty.

What most amused me was the tone of voice on the website [http://jamsponge.co.uk]

For example,

Q: How does a Jam Sponge work?

A: You simply squash it into your vagina and it soaks up the blood.

Q: Will I be able to swim and play tennis?

A: If you must, you can do anything you could do with a tampon in. Personally when I am on the blob I would rather sit hugging a hot water bottle, eating biscuits and snarling at people but each to their own. Allegedly you can have sex with a Jam Sponge in, but I have yet to try it, I will let you know when I do!

No beating around the bush (ahem).

I've decided not to trial this product myself. Who wants to volunteer?

Tampon Crafts

Got a few spare stick-em-ups just lying around? Not to worry - you can MAKE things with them. These are ideal for birthday pressies, Father's Day presents, perhaps even as gifts for your boss. What are you waiting for? Get stuck in!

http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

My favourite are the heart earrings. Imagine wearing those on a first date.

Tampax - So absorbing

Reminds me of putting a tampon into a person's pint glass. Try it. Works best when done to an especially macho guy in the middle of a crowded pub.

Zombie Uterus

It gets better. Someone has come up with ZOMBIE UTERUS!

This is for all you girls out there who feel that at certain times of the month your uterus grows a personality of its own and attempts to claw its way out your body. Now you can get your own back.

A Uterus with Personality. Who wants one for Christmas?

Trust Etsy, the world's best and most bizarre handmade craft site, to have plush uteri.

There's a plethora of most delightful uteri for every occassion - geeky uteri, Rosie the Riveter Uterus, happy uteri. Just what we've always wanted.

The worst job in the world?

If you can't talk about periods without blushing or you're male, it is advisable not to read any further.

I was chatting recently with a lady from a well-known company which produces femcare products and we entered upon a discussion I'm not entirely sure I wanted to be part of.

Did you know that our menstrual pads and tampons undergo constant and rigorous testing and research procedures? As well as inventing new technology, there is a panel of women who rate and score menstrual pads they are sent. For example, how comfortable the pads are and how well they absorb.

THEN (this is where it gets bit icky) they FREEZE them (what? In amongst the petits pois and Magnums?) and send them off for analysis. Once defrosted, a team of (hopefully highly paid) scientists treat these pads with reverence - photographing them for documentation, marking the areas where the blood has collected AND they SMELL them. I did find a site that had documented photographs of used menstrual pads but luckily for you, I am not posting that. Not much puts me off my food but this did.

Communists in the Playground. What do you call your period?

Following the theme of euphemisms for women’s private parts, I was recently 'lucky' enough to overhear a young couple talking in a supermarket aisle.

‘Babe, can you chuck some tampons in the basket too’.

The guy glares back, visibly disgusted at the thought of no action. ‘Aw what the f***? You riding the bloody cotton pony this week?’

Eyes narrowing, his girlfriend answered ‘No darling, I’m just going to be bleeding from my fanny. It’s called a period and you’d better hope it does arrive because otherwise that means we’re having babies.

At this point, I probably saved their relationship by chuckling and catching the eye of the girl, in one of those ‘ah, aren’t men funny’ moments of sisterhood. Instead of the shared smile I’d hoped to receive, I had death stare from both as they realised I’d be unashamedly ear-wigging. Together united again, they turned on their heel and walked towards the pasta aisle.

But, it did make me think about all the euphemisms that people used when discussing periods. Some come right out and say ‘I have my period’. Others skirt around the subject, sugar coating it into something that could mean almost anything.

What do you use?

• Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara
• Trolling for Vampires
• A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
• Saddling Old Rusty
• Feelin' Menstru-riffic!
• Clean-Up in Aisle One
• Massacre at the Y
• T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
• Game Day for the Crimson Tide
• Panty Shields Up, Captain!
• Taking Carrie to the Prom
• Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
• Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
• Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
• Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System
• Dangleberry week
• Communists in the Playground
• Riding the Cotton Pony
• Auntie Flo’s come to visit
• On the rag
• The dot (did this influence Kotex’s branding by any chance?)

Got PMS? Drink Milk.

According to the California Milk Processor Board in it's Toma Leche (Got Milk?) campaign, milk can help alleviate the symptoms of PMS. This I never knew.

Toma Leche have brought this to life with 2 adverts.

The first, 'Bruja' or Witch draws upon the idea that pre-menstrual women do indeed turn into right witches once a month. I frown upon this slightly as there are many women I know who are witches all the time. The ad shows the evil witch scaring kids and generally being mean until she drinks a glass of milk left in her ruinous dwelling. A transformation occurs. She flicks off her mole, lets down her hair and strides out into town, turning frogs into handsome men for the girls and saving Snow White from the poisoned apple.



This advert is aimed towards the Latino audience who have the misconception that it is best to avoid milk and dairy products in the run up to their period.

The second ad, part of the 2009 'Legends' Campaign, is called 'Sad Princess'. Beautifully animated, it opens to a sad and sniffly princess in a tower who sheds a tear that develops into a fearsome sea. Each month, brave princes jump on their big ships in an attempt to reach her carrying chocolates, diamonds and flowers in order to alleviate her awful sadness. However, it is the fearless milk-carrying prince who succeeds in his quest. Just one glass of the white stuff sweeps away the tears and adds a smile to the princess' face. 

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Whilst I appreciate the talent and skill of the animation, it'll take a lot more to persuade me to drink glasses of mammary gland secretions. 

Feeling rough around the edges? It feels great to trim the hedges. MOW THE LAWN with Wilkinson

Ahh, another ad promoting the Wilkinson Sword Quattro for Women Bikini Razor following the 'bush' theme. The pretty girls have left the subtle transforming bushes and are now physically giving each of their bushes a decent trim. Whether that's with secateurs or a hedge trimmer, each girl bounces around manically happy to be trimming their bush. Whether their bush is really big, or 'mighty small', Wilkinson Sword can deal with them all. 

Whilst the tune may be catching and upbeat, I imagine there may be viewers who are furry-ous with the racial stereotyping and imagery within the video.

Oh, I forgot to mention. They also succeeded in getting a cat in there too. Love it. 

Vinnie: The Tampon King

At last, a man who's not afraid of the Big Red!

Vinnie Angel, an artist and designer, saw the plight of many of his female friends - just in their moment of menstrual need they'd reach into their bags and realise that their tampons had broken free of their packaging and were mingling with the sweet wrappers, make up and various other paraphernalia let loose in the depth of womens' bags. Fed up of these complaints and being a generally nice guy, he designed a pouch to keep them in. Decorated in bold, brash colours with his cartoon face on, he also hoped to encourage conversation from men especially about periods, in order to de-mystify and educate them about periods. 

The tampon cases even come with a useful chart for women, or even boyfriends, to work out when their next period is. 

As well as tampon cases (which are also the right size and very handy for pads too) Vinnie has expanded his kingdom to include other merchandise; a Period Chart and Journal which includes advice for dealing with menstrual cramps, reminders for boyfriends and family to offer massages and chocolate when that time of the month is due, stickers, menstrual cramp bubble bath, caps and other items. 

Check out his website, I especially love the 'Music for Menstruaters!'

Control your (Data) Flow with a Tampon

Genius. Now I can have my very own tampon USB stick. Imaging bringing that out at client meetings!

And it handles all types of flows from the light (1GB), to the Regular (8GB) to the Heavy (16GB).

From Beavers to Bush. Wilkinson Sword’s latest Ad

The first time I saw this was last Friday night and my jaw-dropped. Is the world getting more used to innuendo and crudity (indeed crudités also; there are several raw food restaurants near me)? Part of me hopes so. Let the barriers to all naughty words and inappropriate language be broken!

Wilkinson Sword’s ad for the new 'Quattro Two in One Bikini' opens with a girl walking out her building and past a, what can only be described as a BUSH. As she walks past, it becomes neatly groomed into a shape that I guess can only be described as a brazilian. We see more women walking about, and as they saunter past similar in various states of untidiness, they immediately become neatly groomed. Some are bikini lines, some are Brazilians and others, well I’m not sure if they even have a technical name, but they’re neat. And I guess, that’s all that matters for the purpose of this ad.

Unlike regular razors, the Quattro Two in One Bikini trims as well as shaves.





If I hadn’t seen the beaver ad first, I’d have liked this a lot more. Compared with the beaver, bush isn’t nearly so controversial or crude. Call me unsophisticated. Bush is almost beautiful. Exquisitely shot, I imagine both men and women could happily watch this, admire it for it’s visuals and then do a ‘mind’ double take as they think ‘Was that…really…? No, it couldn’t have been. Could it?’ It seems to wrap a base idea up in the equivalent of silk ribbons and luxurious crepe. It’d be like wearing a finely tailored dress that only reveals the pattern is made up of penises at a closer glance.

Either way, it’s set the standard for the bikini specific razor.

Look after your beaver. You've only got one.

I know it's a year old already at the time of writing but this still makes me laugh. Crass and unsubtle, I bet many other creatives are wildly jealous that they didn't have the guts to pitch this to the client in the hope that it'd somehow knock them off their precious 'Delicate issue, must tread carefully' perch and they'd ok it. 

The infamous ozzie Kotex ad features an attractive woman who goes about her daily business with her pet beaver. They have lunch together, sit on the beach together and have their nails done together. 

The voice-over completes the ad with 'You've only got one. So for the ultimate care down there, make it U.'

It received much criticism. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to air it the day after International Women's Day.

Personally, I think it's great. It's funny, controversial and would appeal to their target audience of 18-24  year olds. Shame they didn't use a pussycat.