Communists in the Playground. What do you call your period?

Following the theme of euphemisms for women’s private parts, I was recently 'lucky' enough to overhear a young couple talking in a supermarket aisle.

‘Babe, can you chuck some tampons in the basket too’.

The guy glares back, visibly disgusted at the thought of no action. ‘Aw what the f***? You riding the bloody cotton pony this week?’

Eyes narrowing, his girlfriend answered ‘No darling, I’m just going to be bleeding from my fanny. It’s called a period and you’d better hope it does arrive because otherwise that means we’re having babies.

At this point, I probably saved their relationship by chuckling and catching the eye of the girl, in one of those ‘ah, aren’t men funny’ moments of sisterhood. Instead of the shared smile I’d hoped to receive, I had death stare from both as they realised I’d be unashamedly ear-wigging. Together united again, they turned on their heel and walked towards the pasta aisle.

But, it did make me think about all the euphemisms that people used when discussing periods. Some come right out and say ‘I have my period’. Others skirt around the subject, sugar coating it into something that could mean almost anything.

What do you use?

• Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara
• Trolling for Vampires
• A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
• Saddling Old Rusty
• Feelin' Menstru-riffic!
• Clean-Up in Aisle One
• Massacre at the Y
• T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
• Game Day for the Crimson Tide
• Panty Shields Up, Captain!
• Taking Carrie to the Prom
• Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
• Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
• Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
• Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System
• Dangleberry week
• Communists in the Playground
• Riding the Cotton Pony
• Auntie Flo’s come to visit
• On the rag
• The dot (did this influence Kotex’s branding by any chance?)

Got PMS? Drink Milk.

According to the California Milk Processor Board in it's Toma Leche (Got Milk?) campaign, milk can help alleviate the symptoms of PMS. This I never knew.

Toma Leche have brought this to life with 2 adverts.

The first, 'Bruja' or Witch draws upon the idea that pre-menstrual women do indeed turn into right witches once a month. I frown upon this slightly as there are many women I know who are witches all the time. The ad shows the evil witch scaring kids and generally being mean until she drinks a glass of milk left in her ruinous dwelling. A transformation occurs. She flicks off her mole, lets down her hair and strides out into town, turning frogs into handsome men for the girls and saving Snow White from the poisoned apple.



This advert is aimed towards the Latino audience who have the misconception that it is best to avoid milk and dairy products in the run up to their period.

The second ad, part of the 2009 'Legends' Campaign, is called 'Sad Princess'. Beautifully animated, it opens to a sad and sniffly princess in a tower who sheds a tear that develops into a fearsome sea. Each month, brave princes jump on their big ships in an attempt to reach her carrying chocolates, diamonds and flowers in order to alleviate her awful sadness. However, it is the fearless milk-carrying prince who succeeds in his quest. Just one glass of the white stuff sweeps away the tears and adds a smile to the princess' face. 

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Whilst I appreciate the talent and skill of the animation, it'll take a lot more to persuade me to drink glasses of mammary gland secretions. 

Feeling rough around the edges? It feels great to trim the hedges. MOW THE LAWN with Wilkinson

Ahh, another ad promoting the Wilkinson Sword Quattro for Women Bikini Razor following the 'bush' theme. The pretty girls have left the subtle transforming bushes and are now physically giving each of their bushes a decent trim. Whether that's with secateurs or a hedge trimmer, each girl bounces around manically happy to be trimming their bush. Whether their bush is really big, or 'mighty small', Wilkinson Sword can deal with them all. 

Whilst the tune may be catching and upbeat, I imagine there may be viewers who are furry-ous with the racial stereotyping and imagery within the video.

Oh, I forgot to mention. They also succeeded in getting a cat in there too. Love it. 

Vinnie: The Tampon King

At last, a man who's not afraid of the Big Red!

Vinnie Angel, an artist and designer, saw the plight of many of his female friends - just in their moment of menstrual need they'd reach into their bags and realise that their tampons had broken free of their packaging and were mingling with the sweet wrappers, make up and various other paraphernalia let loose in the depth of womens' bags. Fed up of these complaints and being a generally nice guy, he designed a pouch to keep them in. Decorated in bold, brash colours with his cartoon face on, he also hoped to encourage conversation from men especially about periods, in order to de-mystify and educate them about periods. 

The tampon cases even come with a useful chart for women, or even boyfriends, to work out when their next period is. 

As well as tampon cases (which are also the right size and very handy for pads too) Vinnie has expanded his kingdom to include other merchandise; a Period Chart and Journal which includes advice for dealing with menstrual cramps, reminders for boyfriends and family to offer massages and chocolate when that time of the month is due, stickers, menstrual cramp bubble bath, caps and other items. 

Check out his website, I especially love the 'Music for Menstruaters!'

Control your (Data) Flow with a Tampon

Genius. Now I can have my very own tampon USB stick. Imaging bringing that out at client meetings!

And it handles all types of flows from the light (1GB), to the Regular (8GB) to the Heavy (16GB).