Tampon Crafts

Got a few spare stick-em-ups just lying around? Not to worry - you can MAKE things with them. These are ideal for birthday pressies, Father's Day presents, perhaps even as gifts for your boss. What are you waiting for? Get stuck in!

http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

My favourite are the heart earrings. Imagine wearing those on a first date.

Tampax - So absorbing

Reminds me of putting a tampon into a person's pint glass. Try it. Works best when done to an especially macho guy in the middle of a crowded pub.

Zombie Uterus

It gets better. Someone has come up with ZOMBIE UTERUS!

This is for all you girls out there who feel that at certain times of the month your uterus grows a personality of its own and attempts to claw its way out your body. Now you can get your own back.

A Uterus with Personality. Who wants one for Christmas?

Trust Etsy, the world's best and most bizarre handmade craft site, to have plush uteri.

There's a plethora of most delightful uteri for every occassion - geeky uteri, Rosie the Riveter Uterus, happy uteri. Just what we've always wanted.

The worst job in the world?

If you can't talk about periods without blushing or you're male, it is advisable not to read any further.

I was chatting recently with a lady from a well-known company which produces femcare products and we entered upon a discussion I'm not entirely sure I wanted to be part of.

Did you know that our menstrual pads and tampons undergo constant and rigorous testing and research procedures? As well as inventing new technology, there is a panel of women who rate and score menstrual pads they are sent. For example, how comfortable the pads are and how well they absorb.

THEN (this is where it gets bit icky) they FREEZE them (what? In amongst the petits pois and Magnums?) and send them off for analysis. Once defrosted, a team of (hopefully highly paid) scientists treat these pads with reverence - photographing them for documentation, marking the areas where the blood has collected AND they SMELL them. I did find a site that had documented photographs of used menstrual pads but luckily for you, I am not posting that. Not much puts me off my food but this did.

Communists in the Playground. What do you call your period?

Following the theme of euphemisms for women’s private parts, I was recently 'lucky' enough to overhear a young couple talking in a supermarket aisle.

‘Babe, can you chuck some tampons in the basket too’.

The guy glares back, visibly disgusted at the thought of no action. ‘Aw what the f***? You riding the bloody cotton pony this week?’

Eyes narrowing, his girlfriend answered ‘No darling, I’m just going to be bleeding from my fanny. It’s called a period and you’d better hope it does arrive because otherwise that means we’re having babies.

At this point, I probably saved their relationship by chuckling and catching the eye of the girl, in one of those ‘ah, aren’t men funny’ moments of sisterhood. Instead of the shared smile I’d hoped to receive, I had death stare from both as they realised I’d be unashamedly ear-wigging. Together united again, they turned on their heel and walked towards the pasta aisle.

But, it did make me think about all the euphemisms that people used when discussing periods. Some come right out and say ‘I have my period’. Others skirt around the subject, sugar coating it into something that could mean almost anything.

What do you use?

• Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara
• Trolling for Vampires
• A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
• Saddling Old Rusty
• Feelin' Menstru-riffic!
• Clean-Up in Aisle One
• Massacre at the Y
• T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
• Game Day for the Crimson Tide
• Panty Shields Up, Captain!
• Taking Carrie to the Prom
• Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
• Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
• Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
• Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System
• Dangleberry week
• Communists in the Playground
• Riding the Cotton Pony
• Auntie Flo’s come to visit
• On the rag
• The dot (did this influence Kotex’s branding by any chance?)

Got PMS? Drink Milk.

According to the California Milk Processor Board in it's Toma Leche (Got Milk?) campaign, milk can help alleviate the symptoms of PMS. This I never knew.

Toma Leche have brought this to life with 2 adverts.

The first, 'Bruja' or Witch draws upon the idea that pre-menstrual women do indeed turn into right witches once a month. I frown upon this slightly as there are many women I know who are witches all the time. The ad shows the evil witch scaring kids and generally being mean until she drinks a glass of milk left in her ruinous dwelling. A transformation occurs. She flicks off her mole, lets down her hair and strides out into town, turning frogs into handsome men for the girls and saving Snow White from the poisoned apple.



This advert is aimed towards the Latino audience who have the misconception that it is best to avoid milk and dairy products in the run up to their period.

The second ad, part of the 2009 'Legends' Campaign, is called 'Sad Princess'. Beautifully animated, it opens to a sad and sniffly princess in a tower who sheds a tear that develops into a fearsome sea. Each month, brave princes jump on their big ships in an attempt to reach her carrying chocolates, diamonds and flowers in order to alleviate her awful sadness. However, it is the fearless milk-carrying prince who succeeds in his quest. Just one glass of the white stuff sweeps away the tears and adds a smile to the princess' face. 

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Whilst I appreciate the talent and skill of the animation, it'll take a lot more to persuade me to drink glasses of mammary gland secretions.