Woo Hoo for my Froo Froo

It's a Sunday afternoon. The sun is out, you've just had brunch. It's all a bit of shock to suddenly walk past a giant lifesize image of a girl shouting about the joys of her wonderfully smelling fanny. Or 'froo froo' as she likes to call it.

With the lines 'Whatever you call it, make sure you love it' and 'Woo Hoo for my Froo Froo', there's no doubt about it, products for 'down there' are becoming more and more in your face. Not that that's a bad thing - I'm all in favour of open conversations. But there's some things that guys should just not be subjected to.

This is an ad for FemFresh - a range of washes, wipes and deodorants, especially for your nooni, lala, lady garden, or whatever you want to call it.

Making periods special

Whilst I admire The Red Box Company for promoting the onset of puberty and periods as a celebration, I still wonder whether it's just another money-making venture to try and 'own' an occasion. I mean, look at what DeBeers has done to loved-up men's wallets...

The Red Box Company look to celebrate menstruation and also support parents and young women with advice and information on what to expect and how to manage puberty.

As well as advice, they also sell products to help deal with periods. If you're feeling flush, you can buy 3 types of Gift Boxes too, the most luxurious containing (amongst other things), a bracelet kit, skin cream, a journal, tea bags, chocolate and obviously, a selection of femcare products also. However, at £75, I think my mum much rather settle for a Tampax & Always selection, oh, and a hug if I were lucky. She'd also sigh at the added expense of femcare products. My dad would probably just pat me on the head and tell me not to have sex.

It's definitely a nice idea though and there's obviously been a lot of thought into what products should go into the gift boxes. You also have the choice to buy the products separately.

The Red Box Company are also associated with a charity, Wellbeing of Women. For every box (I'm assuming they mean Gift Boxes) sold, £1 will go towards raising funds to invest in research and development on reproductive and gynaecological health.

Did you know: A girl's first period is called a Menarche. Nope, I didn't either.

Crotchet Catnip Tampon Toy

Excited? So are we! Now your furball friend can also enjoy a bit of tampon fun. Shana, Meowadays creator, bases her crazy creations on the Ren & Stimpy gross/fun mentality. Indeed, a bloody tampon is pretty tame by her standards - you can also invest in a delightful eyeball, poo or foetus. Delightful!

All toys are tested on Meowadays creator - Shana's, cat. "All my toys pass 'The Dr. Zombie Durability & Nuzzle-bility Test'.

See the rest of the Meowadays collection here >

USB Holder... or knitted tampon. You decide.

To my utmost delight I recently discovered that the most awesome handcraft site, Etsy, had a little sister, Folksy, in the UK. This has yet to grow into the indulgent dribblesome labyrinth but is definitely a site to watch for future presents (for oneself and of course, others).

Some of the items for sale however, are decidedly dodge. Not least the pink and white knitted USB holder which is currently retailing at £1.99. Poke me in the eye with a fork if I'm wrong, but this isn't so much a USB holder as a freaky woollen tampon. With 2 strings. Why, you can even wear it for fun, to ACCESSORIZE.

Fark that.

Homemade Gifts - Slippers

Stuck for the perfect present for your loved one?

Never fear. This year, it's all about the thought that counts and what better way to demonstrate this with a useful home-made pressie?

Let me present to you.. the Maxi-Pad Slippers! This is the ultimate gift for those who suffer from chilly feet and they’re incredibly easy to make. Plus, you can be as inventive as you like with customising these. You can add bottle tops, pieces of material, glitter, dried flowers – pretty much anything. What’s great about the Maxi-Pad slippers is that you can even use felts to colour these in and write personalised messages on the soles.

For full instructions on how to build these, take a look here: http://familycrafts.about.com/od/giftstomake/ss/Maxi-Pad-Slippers-Craft.htm

WARNING: Not suitable for use in wet weather.

A brief education: The Marvel "Whirling Spray" Syringe

Now apart from the word 'syringe', you could be forgiven for thinking this is perhaps something jolly. An old-fashioned game maybe, made out of brightly-coloured wood that kids had innocent fun with. Or even something to be used in the kitchen for cake-decorating.

It saddens me that you're wrong. Although it's not really that surprising considering you're on a blog that's all about The Fanny.

The object in question is an early version of a vaginal douche. It was originally thought to have a number of benefits, none of which have been proven. For example:

• It promises to clean the vagina of unwanted odours
• It can be used to help prevent covering your partner's nether regions in a gush of menstrual blood if you fancy doing the naughties whilst on rag week
• It has also been touted as a form of birth control (to anyone who's reading this and is wondering.. THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA).

It's even made it's mark in comic book history (surprising, yes I know). In the DC Comics The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, by Alan Moore Volume, the DC Executive spotted this Whirling Spray authentic ad (Volume 1, Issue #5) and took offence at the Marvel-Branded product. As a result, the entire print run was destroyed (apparently there are about 100 copies hiding out somewhere in the UK and are thought to be the rarest modern comic book around. If you have one, send it over. Ta.) What I love is that none of the more offensive, made up ads were removed - if the 'Yankee Rubber Whore' had actually existed, you'd be hard pressed to work out which product you'd get more diseases from.

Personally, I reckon the best thing to have come out of this is the term 'douchebag'.

The Anti-Panti. Just... Wrong

Admittedly, G-strings and thongs don't ever really seem to do anything apart from cheesewire your ass but the thought of NO PANTIES at all is just a little too.. um.. *makes strange face*

The Anti-Panti is a circular piece of fabric that has adhesive on one side. When you're after a bit of a breeze in your trousers, you remove the backing and stick it on. It means that there's no chance of unsightly pants creeping up over your jeans, and because of the patch you don't have to watch your trousers each time you go commando. Plus, they also comes in a variety of patterns and colours!

Still wrong.

Tampon USB

A lot of the blogs and articles I've found online for the Tampon USB are pretty much filled with disgust and horror. Hmm. Hands up if you think it was a guy who wrote them?! I'm betting that if it was a giant penis or fake poo they'd be chortling like maniacal gnomes.

What I like is that whoever came up with this has a great sense of humour; they come in 3 different data 'flows' - light, regular and super. I'm also tempted to get one and take it to a client meeting. Imagine whipping that baby out in front of the suits!

I'm still trying to find out where to get one from - if anyone knows, please get in touch!

Kotex Social Experiment

I LOVE this.

I always had the rule that boys weren't proper boyfriend material until they'd passed the test of buying me 'ladies products'. For many guys, it's incredibly embarrassing, it's a whole new strange and scary world and they have absolutely no idea where to start or what to get. There's also a fear of insult - "If I get her Super size, does that mean I think she has a giant hole?".

This is great because it pretty much sums up the amount of choice in Femcare Products women now have. You have thin pantyliners, liners for different type of panties, ones for the night, ones that can fly, ones that smell funny, ones that come with skirts, one that have pearls (what is all that about?!!) - a whole plethora of confusion. Even the brands that women have grown up with are expanding their range to confuse, confuddle and to think you need the whole range. The guy in this is undoubtedly clueless. As are some of the women.

I think their new campaign and website U by Kotex is pretty good as far as Femcare websites go. It's contemporary, colourful and encourages discussion. You can also request samples of their new range if you're in the US or Canada.

Kotex says - Cuts the Crap

I'm sure many women would agree - it's slightly infuriating that so many Femcare brands portray periods as actually being a week of calm, tranquility, billowing white clothes. In fact, it's possibly even better being on your period than off!

In reality, we just get on with it. If you don't have a choice about these matters you just deal with it.

'Nuff said.

Gypsy Week

WARNING TO MEN: Be sure not to put your hand down a girls pants during this time. You'll be sure to get your palm read.

DOES everybody love a menstruating girl?

I must say, the more time I spend online the more weirdos I find.

Whilst browsing my favourite site, Etsy, I found a T-shirt that to be quite frank, puzzled me. Why on earth would you buy, let alone WEAR, a T-Shirt that says, Everybody loves a menstruating girl. For a start, no, I don't get that it's a take on the 'Everybody loves an Italian boy' T-shirt - perhaps this just hasn't hit the UK yet. And secondly, chrissakes, the menstruating bit isn't even in blood red. You'd have thought they'd have at least got that bit sorted. And why exclusively a tampon? Isn't that a bit period-ist? What about all the others, like mooncups, fanny pads, jam sponges and goodness knows what other freakish devices there are out there.

It would be interesting to see how many and why these have sold. Check it out for yourself - and let me know if you're tempted.

Stuck for lippy...?

This article landed on my desk a couple of weeks ago and like most of the people who commented on it*, I too couldn't get past the first image. Your own menstrual blood as lipstick. And I've seen a lot of weird period shit.

I guess, if money's really that tight, why not use it as lippy. Or if you've run out and want to impress that guy you're on a date with. And to be honest, if he goes on another date with you and doesn't curl up into a ball weeping, you've got a winner. Or a weirdo.

Ingrid Berthon-Moine is the lady behind these images. Yes, I do say images as a plural. She's compiling a whole bloody collection of women wearing their menstrual blood as lipstick.

Alongside Ingrid, you also have other menstrual activists such as Chella Quint who aims to take the shame out of periods using mechanisms such as comedy and tampon crafts. I agree with her bugbear - sanitary bins ARE the big fat grey elephant in the teeny room and they are a giant pain in the thigh, especially when you accidentally brush up against them in toilet cubicles. God forbid there's all sorts of nasties spilling out of it.

The article ends with a more serious note - there ARE people out there who don't know much about periods, who think they're dying when they have their first and those who believe that periods are 'dirty'. Plus, environmental issues. Sanitary products are something that I do believe are disgustingly unenvironmental, especially when you consider the average woman will go through nearly 11500 tampons in her lifetime. However, products such as mooncups, jam sponges and reusable sanitary towels are still considered icky by the majority of women. And I fall into this category. The thought of such close encounters with any blood, let alone menstrual, fills me with dread. It's messy, it's menstrual blood and there's more chance of accidentally getting it from fingers to clothes. Endless horrors.

Just as an aside, my housemate, although disgusted at the picture, was also quite admiring. When I asked him why, he said it was 'pretty clever as apparently a lady's facelips especially when smothered in lipstick are supposed to subconsciously remind them of a lady's front bottom lips'.

*Such as:

esdes - "I can't take this seriously and it's annoyed me in fact. The photo is gross. Why not wipe sh*t on your lips. Have I missed something?"

wanderingone - "I really don't care if people spread menstrual blood on their lips, as long as they don't try to kiss me or share a glass with me."

Scandaliser - "There was a young vampire called mable,

whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon,
she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table."

See the full article here...

Are you Happy It's Here?

P&G Femcare brand for sanitary pads, Whisper, recently launched their new site, 'Happy It's Here' in Singapore. Developed by Arc Worldwide it's based on the insight according to Valerie Cheng, creative director of Arc Worldwide Singapore, "Deep down, women are thankful each time their period arrives, as it’s the sign of a healthy, functioning body. We hope to intrigue them, and initiate an open conversation and a new movement that will lead to a renewed sense of appreciation of their female cycle.”

Using gorgeous animation and cute illustrations, Happy It's Here allows users to review their cycle and understand what to expect from their period. Aimed at the younger audience - those who are new and still getting used to their bodily changes, the website is Facebook centric and allows users to express how happy they are that they have their period and also to send compliments to their friends.

Personally, no matter how cute and cool the site is, I'm still not sure I'd want to let people know that I have my period. After all, my Facebook profile is open to all my friends, boys included and I would be reluctant for the opposite sex especially to know that. Most of the time, even when older, you work hard trying to appear as though you DON'T have our period. I'd be more likely to send the compliments. After all, they won't be appearing on MY wall. The animations are extremely fun and if I didn't know the brand, I wouldn't realise that it was associated with periods.

What do you think of it?: Happy It's Here

The Tampax Factory

I have never been woken in a more unpleasant way. Actually, that's not true, but that's another story. I awoke on a Sunday morning to my boyfriend (still drunk) singing loudly in my ear 'Far away in The Tampax Factory, shout out your orders loud and clear...' He particularly seemed to relish the verses that were most disgusting.

Apparently this is a well known rugby song. Why rugby teams should want to sing loudly about periods, I have no idea. I can only imagine it is to re-assert their masculinity after hugging on the rugby pitch and showering together in a beautiful display of manlove. The song consists of various verses surrounding the chorus:

'Far away in the Tampax Factory,

Shout out your orders loud and clear,

We have small, medium, large, JUMBO!

We supply them all

When the end of the month comes around.'

I do give them a great deal of credit though for their imaginative verses. My favourites are:

'You can tell by the smell,

That she is not very well..'

and this one especially:

'You can tell by the smeg,

Running down her leg,

That the end of the month has come..'

Check out the full and varied verses here:

Sheffield Uni's version

Dirtyballs Rugby version

ENJOY.

Jam Sponge anyone?

Being naturally intrigued by all things to do with feminine hygiene, it surprised me when I came across the Jam Sponge. I have NEVER seen anything like this before. In short, it's a sponge that you stick up there and it calls upon its natural powers to absorb the blood.

In the name of duty, my Jam Sponge arrived today and unlike it's delicious counterpart, this made me feel a tad ill. I unwrapped it from the packaging and out fell a hard, hedgehog like 'thing'. My housemate, Rob, gave a girly scream and even I took a step back. My first thoughts were 'no was is that thing going up there.' For the basic package, you receive 2 sponges, one nicely presented in a garishly bright red bag. You also receive instructions, some sealable plastic bags to store the jam sponges in once they become saturated and... (now this is where it gets exciting) a badge.

The idea of this is pretty sound. It's environmentally friendly and entirely natural. You can re-use it for UP TO A YEAR. And sponges are likely to have been used as sanitary products hundreds of years ago. They have certainly be used fairly recently as contraceptives. You just have to overcome the fact you will get your hands dirty.

What most amused me was the tone of voice on the website [http://jamsponge.co.uk]

For example,

Q: How does a Jam Sponge work?

A: You simply squash it into your vagina and it soaks up the blood.

Q: Will I be able to swim and play tennis?

A: If you must, you can do anything you could do with a tampon in. Personally when I am on the blob I would rather sit hugging a hot water bottle, eating biscuits and snarling at people but each to their own. Allegedly you can have sex with a Jam Sponge in, but I have yet to try it, I will let you know when I do!

No beating around the bush (ahem).

I've decided not to trial this product myself. Who wants to volunteer?

Tampon Crafts

Got a few spare stick-em-ups just lying around? Not to worry - you can MAKE things with them. These are ideal for birthday pressies, Father's Day presents, perhaps even as gifts for your boss. What are you waiting for? Get stuck in!

http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

My favourite are the heart earrings. Imagine wearing those on a first date.

Tampax - So absorbing

Reminds me of putting a tampon into a person's pint glass. Try it. Works best when done to an especially macho guy in the middle of a crowded pub.

Zombie Uterus

It gets better. Someone has come up with ZOMBIE UTERUS!

This is for all you girls out there who feel that at certain times of the month your uterus grows a personality of its own and attempts to claw its way out your body. Now you can get your own back.

A Uterus with Personality. Who wants one for Christmas?

Trust Etsy, the world's best and most bizarre handmade craft site, to have plush uteri.

There's a plethora of most delightful uteri for every occassion - geeky uteri, Rosie the Riveter Uterus, happy uteri. Just what we've always wanted.